Focus On: Cynthia Kane

Dominique Fierro Photography + Design

The Focus On series is all about sharing the diversity of meditation journeys and experiences. An opportunity to come together and share stories, practices and insights .. to listen and learn from each other.

I met Cynthia recently at a meditation retreat.  Seated together at a group lunch .. I learnt that Cynthia had written for Huffington Post and Elephant Journal (wow) AND that she had recently written a book - How To Communicate Like A Buddhist.

I immediately asked Cynthia if she might share her practice, and her book, with the Quiet Mind community. So I am delighted to introduce you to Cynthia Kane, author and book editor who coaches authors for publication and a literary agent. She is also a certified meditation and mindfulness instructor.

Name: Cynthia Kane
Special Interest: Mindful Communication
Website: http://www.cynthiakane.com

1.Tell us about your special Interest 
I used to be a horrible communicator. I rarely said what I meant and was very passive aggressive. Most of my interactions looked like me blaming everyone else for what wasn’t going good in my life and feeling like no matter what I said or did I wasn’t enough. My days ended with me feeling exhausted and most all of the time completely misunderstood. 

While I wanted to be open with others and express myself clearly, or be able to share in others happiness I was doing the opposite. I was stuck in a way of communicating that kept me rooted in separateness, feeling isolated, fearful, and insecure. 

And then, unexpectedly, my first love passed away. It was at this time I realized that my life and my enjoyment were 100% my responsibility. If I wanted to come home at the end of the day and feel alive, joyful, and excited about life then I needed to find another way to communicate with it. 

Communication is essential to being human, and when you become better at it, your personal truth becomes clearer, your relationships improve, and the result is that you experience more peace and harmony in your life. 

My new book, How To Communicate Like a Buddhist, came directly out of this quest to find a new way to communicate with myself, others, and in turn the world. 

I’ve taken the four elements of right speech in Buddhism and developed them into a modern practice based on mindful listening, mindful speech, and mindful silence. 

The book takes you through my own five-step practice that is designed to help you: 

1. Listen to yourself (your internal and external words)
2. Listen to others 
3. Speak consciously, concisely, and clearly
4. Regard silence as a part of speech
5. Meditate to enhance your communication skills

If you have ever felt misheard, have trouble stating how you feel, or long to have more meaningful and genuine conversations, this book can help. The simple steps outlined in this book will have a huge effect on how you communicate with others and yourself. 

2. How long have you been practicing, or working in this area? Tell us about your ‘journey’  
I’ve been practicing a mix of mindful, nonviolent, and what I call self responsible communication for over five years now. What I’ve found is that it’s a life practice. It’s constantly noticing our automatic communication habits or patterns and refocusing on the present moment to choose a more kind, honest, and helpful response. 

3. How did you find meditation, and how long have you been practicing meditation?
I’ve been practicing meditation for over five years and I believe that meditation is the glue to speaking in a more honest, kind, and helpful way.

After my first love passed away a friend of mine sent me an email about a meditation and writing workshop at the Shambhalah Center in New York. I had no idea what meditation was, but I knew that a weekend of writing would be good for me. I went and learned to meditate that first night. Directly afterward I wrote in my journal that this was something I wanted to incorporate into my life, make it a daily practice. Why? Because ..

..it let me be as I was..

There was no judgement from myself for the first time, just a gentle attention. I could feel all that I was feeling, finally allowing myself to be, no pushing to be someone better, no forcing to be more. Meditation has let me get to know who I am, helped me to respect who I am, and showed me how to live inline with who I am. 

4. Do you have a regular practice – daily, weekly, other?
I practice everyday for 20 minutes in the morning after I wake up and then again around 5:30 p.m.  

5. What inspires you to keep meditating .. returning to your practice?
I keep meditating because it takes care of me. It helps me love instead of critique, respond instead of react, express instead of hide. I come back again and again because how I am in meditation is how I want to live my life: focused, present, and accepting.

6. Why do you meditate?
I meditate because it helps me live in a way that’s kind, honest, free of judgment, and helpful. 

7. Do you have a particular technique(s) that you have found most suitable for you?
I do a lot of breath awareness meditation; however, I will prescribe myself certain meditations if I’m feeling a certain way. If I’m feeling closed and judgmental I’ll do a loving-kindness meditation for a whole week. If I’m having a hard time letting go of a situation I’ll do a forgiveness meditation. 

8. AM or PM? ..  Chair, cushion, stool? 
I meditate in the morning and the early evening. I use a cushion. 

9. Have you a dedicated space for your practice?  Where do you meditate?
I put my cushion down in my bedroom and that’s it. Sometimes, on the weekends, I’ll wake up before my husband so instead of sitting in the bedroom I’ll go down to the living space. 

10. Have you attended a meditation retreat, can you share some of your experience and insights? 
I’ve been to meditation retreats, yes, and I think they are an incredible way to experience community. A lot of what I find is that sometimes meditation and meditating can feel isolating, especially if it’s not a part of a religious practice. Sometimes it feels like we’re all doing it on our own. When you go to a retreat you begin to find a community that really nurtures and understands your experiences. 

Also, there’s so much clarity that comes out of these retreats that they really can change your path forward or completely open you up to yourself in a new way. 

11. Any favourite books/CDs/Resources that you might share with others?
There are so many books I could list but NonViolent Communication by Marshall B Rosenberg changed my life and The Art of Communicating by Thich Nhat Hanh is also a wonderful read.

If you’re interested in discovering your communication style and reading a free excerpt of How To Communicate Like a Buddhist you can CLICK HERE

12. Any wise words to share with those who are new to meditation?
I think we get this idea that sitting and focusing on our breath or body, or a mantra should be easy, but with all that we have going on in our minds it’s actually quite difficult to do. It’s a constant noticing and letting go and coming back to our focus. A state of remembering and forgetting. But if we keep to it, sticking with a practice, even if it’s five-ten minutes a day, it gets easier. 

13. 7 Random things about you?
1) I wrote a hiking guide book to the Community of Madrid (Take a Hike: The Best 50 Routes in the Community of Madrid) and started a company that guides people out into the mountains on the weekends
2) I believe life it too short for matching socks
3) On Saturdays I go through a kind of cleansing ritual with music. I start with sad songs that make me cry, then build up to empowering songs, and finally feel good music. I believe it opens me up for the good stuff.
4) I have quotes hanging all around my desk. The one I’m looking at right now is my personal credo: Detach. Trust. Receive.
5) I collect salt & pepper shakers 
6) Whenever I see a yellow car I remind myself that I’m alive right now and to be grateful for the moment I’m in
7) I used to eat so much yogurt that I gave myself an allergy to cows milk

Thank you Cynthia.

We will have a copy of Cynthia's book How To Communicate Like a Buddhist to GIVEAWAY next month (the book is being launched April 2016) - SIGN UP for our Quiet Mind monthly newsletter to join in.

The Meditation Reading Room

I was cleaning my meditation space yesterday .. and realised there was a growing pile of wisdom (ie books) staring at me! 

'No time like the present' I thought .. 

and knowing that I will need some accountability to read and share these wonderful books .. today I have launched the Reading Room. 

I am going to start with one book per month. 

And post four (one a week) updates here on the blog to share the learnings.

I am now excited to get this started .. and thanks to @write.away.with.me the first book suggestion is .. drum roll ..

"Ten Mindful Minutes" by Goldie Hawn which I picked up at the recent Meditation Teachers Symposium in Sedona. 

Watch this space .. 

Books .. Books .. Books

Not able to sleep last night .. I went shopping online instead and purchased myself a copy of Search Inside Yourself by Chade-Meng Tan .. 'Head of Personal Growth' at Google. 

I have written before about Meng (here, based on an article in Forbes magazine) and the impact he has had within Google.  His book is based on the course he ran at Google which introduced ‘business-friendly mindfulness’ as a tool to train attention, develop self-knowledge and self-mastery, and create useful mental habits.

Earlier this week I read another really interesting article from sgentrepreneurs "Can meditation impact entrepreneurship and the world? Google’s happiness guru thinks so" which included an interview with Meng caught while on holiday in Singapore.

So the impact of meditation on entrepreneurship?  Meng said:

"In the entrepreneur’s pursuit of the unattainable, being mindful — or self-aware — allows them to be calm in all situations. Once they are able to perceive their emotions with “high-resolution” clarity and vividness, they would be able to manage an undesirable emotion just when it arises".

 "So, by learning to deal with the emotions that come with failure, an entrepreneur will retain a sense of optimism. This creates resiliency."

Soul-Centered by Sarah McLean

Last year (April 2011) I was lucky enough to finally meet up with Sarah McLean, with whom I had had a long distance email/blog relationship with.  Sarah lives in the startlingly beautiful Arizona, and is the Founder of the Sedona Meditation Training & Retreat Co. and when she told me she was planning a trip to Australia, I was thrilled to help in organising a special Everyday Meditation Workshop one evening at the Langham Hotel.

The workshop was a huge success. Sarah talked about her journey and experiences .. her work with Deepak Chopra and her time cooking in a Zen centre, she also guided us through the practice of Primordial Sound Meditation which utilises both breath awareness and silent mantra.  She also shared a big secret with us .. that she was working on her first book.

That book .. Soul-Centered: Transform Your Life in 8 Weeks .. has been released today! 

Congratulations Sarah :)

Stay tuned .. I shall share more from my reading of Sarah's book and hopefully (this was another secret) we may see Sarah in Australia again.

In the meantime .. go visit the Sedona Meditation website here .. sign up as a friend on Facebook (if you love regular inspirational quotes and pointers to new meditation research and articles worldwide) and download one of Sarah's guided meditations here.

How To Train A Wild Elephant

I am really enjoying my new book 'How To Train A Wild Elephant (& Other Adventures in Mindfulness) by Jan Chozen Bays .. and I have already mentioned the book in class and written about some of the exercises in our Monday Meditation Musings program.  I recently heard that the book can be found in the Readings Bookstore in Melbourne which is great news if you live locally.

The wonder of this book is that it provides a very clear, wise and simple guide to building your mindfulness 'muscle' through a series of 53 exercises.  The suggestion is that you take one exercise as your dedicated practice for a full week .. before trying another .. then another .. slowly bringing mindfulness into your daily life.

Jan Chozen Bays, MD, is a Zen master in the White Plum lineage of the late master Taizan Maezumi Roshi. She serves as a priest and teacher at the Jizo Mountain–Great Vow Zen Monastery in Clatskanie, Oregon, and she is also a pediatrician.

Each chapter in the book presents a new exercise, such as: taking three deep breaths before answering the phone, noticing and adjusting your posture throughout the day, eating mindfully, and using your nondominant hand. A short description is provided for each exercise, along with some of the philosophical background, observations from others who have practiced the exercise, and a deeper interpretation .. what does the exercise really mean?

While the presentation and text are simple to understand .. as with all meditation, it is remembering the practice and doing the practice that is more complex, so there are even some suggestions on how to remember the exercise each day.. alas then its up to you 'to do'.

I shall continue to dip into this book and I have had many warm smiles on my face as I notice exercises that I have crossed paths with before .. and this book is perfectly suited for those new to mindfulness and/or meditation, those who would like to explore more mindfulness in daily life practices, and anyone who seeks greater awareness and presence in their daily life.

*I look forward to hearing some of your feedback and thoughts on this book  or the mindfulness practices that you include in your life*

Nourishment for your meditation

So exciting .. this week (and way ahead of schedule) arrived my box of new books! I simply couldn't wait to open up and indulge .. and while I tried to focus on the 'work' I had to do, it was inevitable that I would be drawn away. I snuck outside and started reading .. drawn to 'Hand Wash Cold' and the sunshine beckoning .. yes bright blue sky and sunshine has arrived in Melbourne this week.

I thought I might share with you what I purchased, and later I will share some thoughts on each book. It is so important to keep nourishing our interest in meditation and reading about another's journey can be inspiring (that's why I loved doing the Focus On series .. see here .. sharing our meditation journey).

Hand Wash Cold : care instructions for an ordinary life by Karen Mazezen Miller
"It's easy to think that meaning, fulfillment, and bliss are "out there," somewhere outside of our daily routine. But in this playful yet profound reflection on awareness, the compelling voice of a contemporary woman reveals the happiness at the bottom of the laundry basket, the love in the kitchen sink, and the peace possible in one's own backyard" .. visit Karen at www.karenmaezenmiller.com (and read her inspiring blog)

Momma Zen : walking the crooked path of motherhood by Karen Maezen Miller
I had to purchase Karen's first book too .. "Drawing on her experience as a mother and on her years of Zen meditation and study .. charting a mother's growth beyond naive expectations and disorientation to finding fulfillment in ordinary tasks and developing greater self-awareness and self-acceptance".

Learning to Breathe : One Woman's Journey of Spirit and Survival by Alison Wright
Award-winning photojournalist Alison Wright travelled around third world countries as part of her work, then one afternoon her bus collided head-on with a logging truck in rural Laos and her life changed forever. "Drawing upon her years of meditation practice, she concentrated on each breath she took .. determine not to give up".

Will I get any work done this week?

Welcome Australian Yoga Journal!

I often refer to the importance of 'tribe' .. the community or group that empowers us, that we feel engaged with, that supports and nourishes us. Many years ago I found some of my 'tribe' when my sister introduced me to the best ever magazine (well my fav. magazine) Yoga Journal. Over the five or six years since that first introduction I have eagerly awaited the international delivery, like a friend who lives away, and as soon as possible I take myself somewhere quiet, curl up on the couch or bed, ready myself with a cup of tea .. and indulged myself in a couple of hours of true 'me-time' . I have of course kept (too?) many of these issues (& lent a few which never found their way back!) .. I often pick up an old copy to read again .. find missed articles .. and learn something afresh.

So I was totally thrilled recently to be wandering aimlessly in my local newsagents and to find an Australian edition of Yoga Journal!! I was so surprised .. since I hadnt heard a whisper of its arrival .. but oh what a fantastic surprise.

Similar in 'look' and style to its American big sister ( and I am sure our unique aussie flavour will evolve in time) .. and with a few of the regular writers on board (Sally Kempton, Jason Crandell) .. the Australian version is a fantastic addition to (what I think) is a really dull Australian magazine market. There is plenty to read in this first Premier edition - Dec/Jan 2010 - including 'breathe in, work out' on yogic breathing techniques, 'introduction to kundalini yoga', 'taking it outdoors' (with suggested outdoor yoga operators in main cities of Australia) and 'chasing the waves' which takes us on a 3-day surf and yoga retreat in Broulee (south coast of NSW). There is also the added bonus of now having a directory of local courses, retreats, websites, advertisers and profiles on hand so that we can all feel part of the Aussie YJ Tribe!

Reading Room 2009

Some of my favourite reads this year ...





Other books that fill my bookshelf include:

Meditation and Health:
Ian Gawler, Peace of Mind, Gawler Foundation, Melbourne 1987

Easy reading
David Michie, Hurry up and Meditate, Allen&Unwin, Sydney, 2008
Eric Harrison, Teach Yourself to Meditate, Simon & Schuster, Australia, 1993
Paul Wilson, The Quiet (or any of his Calm books), Pan Macmillan Australia, 2006
Bob Sharples, Meditation Calming the Mind, Lothian Books, 2003
Paul Wilson, Instant Calm, Penguin Books, 1995
Shakti Gawain, Creative Visualization, Bantam Books, 1979

Slightly Spiritual
Lama Surya Das, Awakening to the Sacred, Bantam Books, Australia, 1999
Sharon Salzberg, Loving Kindness the Revolutionary Art of Happiness, Shambhala Publications,1995

Also, here are some great meditation articles that I hope you will enjoy reading ...


Just Say Om
Scientists study it. Doctors recommend it. Millions of Americans--many of whom don't even own crystals--practice it every day. Why? Because meditation works.
[TIME Magazine, Aug 2003]












“Life’s Toolbox” .. meditation is the tool needed in our life toolbox.
[Renaissance Magazine, January 2009 : Article by Quiet Mind Meditation]

“Meditation the Competitive Advantage”
[Renaissance Magazine, April 2009 : Article by Quiet Mind Meditation]

"Success Mindset"

[Renaissance Magazine, April 2009 : Article by Quiet Mind Meditation]

The Biology of Belief ..

The Biology of Belief : Unleashing the Power of Consciousness, Matter & Miracles

by Bruce H. Lipton PhD

Is it possible for the mind to override genetic programming? How does belief about treatment affect the outcome? Can we change our bodies as we retrain our thinking?

Bruce Lipton presents a revolutionary overview of the link between mind (energy) and body (matter); and the view that our minds energy (our thoughts) directly influence how our physical brain controls our body’s physiology. I should make it perfectly clear that science is definitely not one of my strong subjects .. so I was surprised how clear I found Lipton’s book and his thinking. I managed to grasp the basics around the mechanisms by which cells receive and process information, and the interconnection between the energy of our thinking and beliefs.

Two new scientific fields are brought to our attention: Signal Transduction which focuses on the biochemical pathways by which cells respond to environmental cues, recognizing that the fate and behaviour of an organism is directly linked to its perception of the environment (our life is based upon how we perceive it); and Epigenetics the science of how environmental signals select, modify, and regulate gene activity (again emphasising that our perceptions of life shape our biology).

Lipton asks us to ponder the possibility that communication and cooperation between cells, the energy from internal and external environments, and our subconscious perceptions, all have a major influence on our health and that thought ‘energy’ can activate or inhibit cells functioning.

Since science will only believe that which can be proven (otherwise it seems to cease to exist) it is frustrating to think that we are limiting our potential to truly understand so much about life and health because we are tied to the quality and availability of research science’s tools and instruments. Miracle cures, blips in research or quirky medical anomalies are just dismissed by science and medicine today – Chapter 5 presents some amazing research around placebos and nocebos (I was particularly fascinated to read about nocebos which are new to me!).

We hear nowadays about terminal cancer patients recovering thru ‘spontaneous remission’ – but because remissions are outside the bounds of conventional medical theory – medicine simply disregards the fact that they even happened. More alarmingly it appears some drug companies have sought to eliminate patients who responded to placebos from their clinical trials disturbed that “fake’ drugs can be shown to be as effective as their engineered chemical cocktails”. Surely its common sense that we should be embracing the study of these anomalies because buried in these cases is just likely to be the most powerful answers and understanding of life and the nature of life.

I really enjoyed the book but have to say I was a little disappointed that just how we reprogram our subconscious mind was not as deftly covered. Lipton alludes to his own real life changes but doesn’t give us any further insight into how he managed this. A fascinating read, especially if this is a concept for you, but don’t expect a ‘how to’ guide. Meditation is surely one way for us to start, by being still and really 'seeing' our thought patterns, and our habitual reactions, we can at least begin to understand and change these deep subconscious beliefs.

“It is important for our health and well being to shift our mind’s energy towards positive, life-generating thoughts and eliminate ever-present, energy-draining, and debilitating negative thoughts’