Focus On: Cynthia Kane

Dominique Fierro Photography + Design

The Focus On series is all about sharing the diversity of meditation journeys and experiences. An opportunity to come together and share stories, practices and insights .. to listen and learn from each other.

I met Cynthia recently at a meditation retreat.  Seated together at a group lunch .. I learnt that Cynthia had written for Huffington Post and Elephant Journal (wow) AND that she had recently written a book - How To Communicate Like A Buddhist.

I immediately asked Cynthia if she might share her practice, and her book, with the Quiet Mind community. So I am delighted to introduce you to Cynthia Kane, author and book editor who coaches authors for publication and a literary agent. She is also a certified meditation and mindfulness instructor.

Name: Cynthia Kane
Special Interest: Mindful Communication
Website: http://www.cynthiakane.com

1.Tell us about your special Interest 
I used to be a horrible communicator. I rarely said what I meant and was very passive aggressive. Most of my interactions looked like me blaming everyone else for what wasn’t going good in my life and feeling like no matter what I said or did I wasn’t enough. My days ended with me feeling exhausted and most all of the time completely misunderstood. 

While I wanted to be open with others and express myself clearly, or be able to share in others happiness I was doing the opposite. I was stuck in a way of communicating that kept me rooted in separateness, feeling isolated, fearful, and insecure. 

And then, unexpectedly, my first love passed away. It was at this time I realized that my life and my enjoyment were 100% my responsibility. If I wanted to come home at the end of the day and feel alive, joyful, and excited about life then I needed to find another way to communicate with it. 

Communication is essential to being human, and when you become better at it, your personal truth becomes clearer, your relationships improve, and the result is that you experience more peace and harmony in your life. 

My new book, How To Communicate Like a Buddhist, came directly out of this quest to find a new way to communicate with myself, others, and in turn the world. 

I’ve taken the four elements of right speech in Buddhism and developed them into a modern practice based on mindful listening, mindful speech, and mindful silence. 

The book takes you through my own five-step practice that is designed to help you: 

1. Listen to yourself (your internal and external words)
2. Listen to others 
3. Speak consciously, concisely, and clearly
4. Regard silence as a part of speech
5. Meditate to enhance your communication skills

If you have ever felt misheard, have trouble stating how you feel, or long to have more meaningful and genuine conversations, this book can help. The simple steps outlined in this book will have a huge effect on how you communicate with others and yourself. 

2. How long have you been practicing, or working in this area? Tell us about your ‘journey’  
I’ve been practicing a mix of mindful, nonviolent, and what I call self responsible communication for over five years now. What I’ve found is that it’s a life practice. It’s constantly noticing our automatic communication habits or patterns and refocusing on the present moment to choose a more kind, honest, and helpful response. 

3. How did you find meditation, and how long have you been practicing meditation?
I’ve been practicing meditation for over five years and I believe that meditation is the glue to speaking in a more honest, kind, and helpful way.

After my first love passed away a friend of mine sent me an email about a meditation and writing workshop at the Shambhalah Center in New York. I had no idea what meditation was, but I knew that a weekend of writing would be good for me. I went and learned to meditate that first night. Directly afterward I wrote in my journal that this was something I wanted to incorporate into my life, make it a daily practice. Why? Because ..

..it let me be as I was..

There was no judgement from myself for the first time, just a gentle attention. I could feel all that I was feeling, finally allowing myself to be, no pushing to be someone better, no forcing to be more. Meditation has let me get to know who I am, helped me to respect who I am, and showed me how to live inline with who I am. 

4. Do you have a regular practice – daily, weekly, other?
I practice everyday for 20 minutes in the morning after I wake up and then again around 5:30 p.m.  

5. What inspires you to keep meditating .. returning to your practice?
I keep meditating because it takes care of me. It helps me love instead of critique, respond instead of react, express instead of hide. I come back again and again because how I am in meditation is how I want to live my life: focused, present, and accepting.

6. Why do you meditate?
I meditate because it helps me live in a way that’s kind, honest, free of judgment, and helpful. 

7. Do you have a particular technique(s) that you have found most suitable for you?
I do a lot of breath awareness meditation; however, I will prescribe myself certain meditations if I’m feeling a certain way. If I’m feeling closed and judgmental I’ll do a loving-kindness meditation for a whole week. If I’m having a hard time letting go of a situation I’ll do a forgiveness meditation. 

8. AM or PM? ..  Chair, cushion, stool? 
I meditate in the morning and the early evening. I use a cushion. 

9. Have you a dedicated space for your practice?  Where do you meditate?
I put my cushion down in my bedroom and that’s it. Sometimes, on the weekends, I’ll wake up before my husband so instead of sitting in the bedroom I’ll go down to the living space. 

10. Have you attended a meditation retreat, can you share some of your experience and insights? 
I’ve been to meditation retreats, yes, and I think they are an incredible way to experience community. A lot of what I find is that sometimes meditation and meditating can feel isolating, especially if it’s not a part of a religious practice. Sometimes it feels like we’re all doing it on our own. When you go to a retreat you begin to find a community that really nurtures and understands your experiences. 

Also, there’s so much clarity that comes out of these retreats that they really can change your path forward or completely open you up to yourself in a new way. 

11. Any favourite books/CDs/Resources that you might share with others?
There are so many books I could list but NonViolent Communication by Marshall B Rosenberg changed my life and The Art of Communicating by Thich Nhat Hanh is also a wonderful read.

If you’re interested in discovering your communication style and reading a free excerpt of How To Communicate Like a Buddhist you can CLICK HERE

12. Any wise words to share with those who are new to meditation?
I think we get this idea that sitting and focusing on our breath or body, or a mantra should be easy, but with all that we have going on in our minds it’s actually quite difficult to do. It’s a constant noticing and letting go and coming back to our focus. A state of remembering and forgetting. But if we keep to it, sticking with a practice, even if it’s five-ten minutes a day, it gets easier. 

13. 7 Random things about you?
1) I wrote a hiking guide book to the Community of Madrid (Take a Hike: The Best 50 Routes in the Community of Madrid) and started a company that guides people out into the mountains on the weekends
2) I believe life it too short for matching socks
3) On Saturdays I go through a kind of cleansing ritual with music. I start with sad songs that make me cry, then build up to empowering songs, and finally feel good music. I believe it opens me up for the good stuff.
4) I have quotes hanging all around my desk. The one I’m looking at right now is my personal credo: Detach. Trust. Receive.
5) I collect salt & pepper shakers 
6) Whenever I see a yellow car I remind myself that I’m alive right now and to be grateful for the moment I’m in
7) I used to eat so much yogurt that I gave myself an allergy to cows milk

Thank you Cynthia.

We will have a copy of Cynthia's book How To Communicate Like a Buddhist to GIVEAWAY next month (the book is being launched April 2016) - SIGN UP for our Quiet Mind monthly newsletter to join in.

Peeling Back The Layers

I was only seventeen when I first learnt to meditate and I had my first ah-ha moment.  Time and space stood still that very first time I closed my eyes and found my breath.  

I peeled back the first layer of the onion

That first meditation experience opened up a whole new inner world and awareness for me.  I recognised in that briefest of moments, the potential for a deeper connection with myself and the world around me. I recognised a spaciousness within that was my true home and l started this meditation journey that has seen me sit and peel-away at the layers of ego, labels, habits and ‘self’ for 25+ years. 

Meditation was almost unheard of in my world back then.  The modern world had not reached that mysterious tipping point where something ancient and timeless becomes mainstream and suddenly new again ..

“that magic moment when an idea, trend, or social behavior crosses a threshold, tips, and spreads like wildfire” Malcolm Gladwell

My journey back then required me to constantly self motivate .. to find, observe, ask questions and search for teachers, books and opportunities to learn .. and of course, to continued to just sit. Meditation is after all, an experiential practice.

'When the student is ready the teacher will appear'

I first found Sarah McLean online (you can read how here) and then the Universe provided us with an opportunity to meet in Melbourne (read more here) and over the years I have watching her growing sangha (community) at the McLean Meditation Institute and online.  And again and again I would feel this calling to learn more float into my awareness.  I waited for a ‘sign’.

And then in 2015 I was ready.  I signed up. I started.

I was so excited to receive my course material .. to start, a big heavy box was delivered.  Inside were nine books to read, a selection that included insights from brain science, spiritual traditions, ancient lineages and modern musings. There was also a heavy study binder full of articles, links to online talks, journal requirements and reflection projects.  And an online sangha for questions and sharing.  A magic box of untold new learning’s and wisdom.

And over the course of 2015, in among life and family and work .. I read, digested, contemplated, assessed, researched, discussed, shared and integrated.

It was challenging, heart-warming, intense, emotional, confusing, insightful and exciting.

I had committed to embark on this journey with Beginners Mind and I had to remind myself of this commitment again and again, to put aside knowing and open to unknowing again and again.  

The course culminates in an eight day Meditation Intensive Retreat in Sedona; the home of Sarah McLean and the McLean Meditation Institute.  I have just returned from the retreat and was lucky to be able to continue my journey with the following three-day Inaugural Meditation Teacher Symposium. 

I had the opportunity to retreat, and then reintegrated, within the most breathtaking red rock and cactus landscapes (the Grand Canyon is only hours away), where energy vortex’s surround and move through you, and at night you can hear the coyotes call. 

Many people have asked me about the course and why it has been so transformative. I shall share more in coming posts .. but having a personal meditation practice of more than 25+ years and a meditation teacher for the past five years = I learnt and expanded beyond and beyond again.

It takes kindness and courage to step onto the meditation cushion each day - and open yourself.  To let go of all the stories and ‘stuff’ that have accumulated over a lifetime (or many lifetimes).  To continue to show up when there is chaos and noise and uncertainty within, and learn how to embrace and allow with kindness and acceptance.

to sit and open and breathe

And so I have been continuing the peeling-away process.

Aware yet again, that each time we meditate we have an opportunity to observe our true selves at our very core .. and so continue to gently and kindly yield to the layers being stripped away.

I am home ..

A little slideshow of images from my recent trip to Sedona (Arizona) for the McLean Meditation Institute 8-day Meditation Intensive Retreat and then the 3-day Meditation Teacher Symposium. A beautiful part of the world and a wonderful experience. Feeling blessed.

Meditation & Mindfulness Teacher

Excited to share that I am now an officially Certified Meditation Teacher with the McLean Meditation Institute!

If you have been following my journey here at Quiet Mind Meditation .. you will know that over the past year I have been completing an amazingly professional and broad learning program which has just culminated in an eight-day meditation intensive retreat in Sedona (Arizona).

I got home to Australia last night, feeling full of gratitude for a year of profound learning, deep friendships and personal breakthroughs - all the while being gently guided by my teacher Sarah McLean and course advisor Suzi von Mensenkampff.

After the retreat, I was lucky enough to be 'in town' to attended the Meditation Teacher Symposium that brought together teachers and specialists to share further learning .. attending workshops on Children's Meditation, Being a Meditation Coach and Trauma Sensitive Meditation.

As I process and gather my thoughts, I shall share further details shortly on both the McLean Meditation Institute program, and the workshops that I attended at the Symposium.

Feeling blessed.

Planning for Retreat

I am off to a meditation retreat shortly ... and inner and outer adventure!

I posted earlier Embarking on a Meditation Retreat.

On a meditation retreat we commit to letting go and doing nothing (well, nothing as we normally would) .. and this is a fantastic way to release our routine responsibilities, labels and activities.  

To facilitate this transition to a new way of being .. it is really important to handle what needs to be handled in your 'real life' before you depart.  A retreat can be challenging on so many levels .. just sitting for long periods is challenging enough .. but in that vacuum of silence that you find yourself immersed in, stressful thoughts seem to bubble up and explode as if from nowhere, and many worries are going to be around unfinished household projects or unpaid bills. 

Distractions are standard when on retreat .. but we can reduce some anxiety by having a checklist of - What To Do Before Leaving on Retreat.

Over the last few days I have been assessing what needs to be done on a practical level and have made a little checklist below:

Understand The Environment
I Googled (as you do) the expected weather at the retreat center.  I looked at the long range forecast and the ‘expected’ average temperature, I also asked my online tribe by posting some questions on social media - and received some great advice from those living close by.  I am finding it a challenge to get my head around leaving the height of Australian Summer (ie. 105 degrees) to a location that will be at the height of Winter (with a high chance of snow on the ground).  It means that I have to source some more appropriate footwear and find my stored winter jackets .. and I really should invest in some new meditation pants (my current ones might fall apart they are so worn).

*Understand the weather.  Print a picture of the location to remind you (if you are currently somewhere completely different)
*Shop for essentials

Travel Documents
Make sure you are fully aware of all travel requirements.  I am heading overseas, so I need to ensure that my Passport meets requirements as some foreign governments require visitors to carry passports with at least six months validity beyond their planned stay, and you may be refused entry if you do not comply.  Same with a valid Visa.  Take a copy of all your documents and have a spare set left at home or with someone you can contact if need be.

Do you need foreign currency? How about a Credit Card? there are various options available and you need to do some research to find what suits you best. 

Travel insurance .. having had friends recently stranded on an Island due to volcanic activity, I will never again ponder the value of travel insurance.  I have also gotten a travel wallet where I am filing everything needed as it comes to hand; and a checklist to tick off before I head to the airport:

*Tickets
*Passport
*Visa
*Travel Insurance details
*Credit Cards
*Contact details 
*Cash for short term needs
*Itinerary in a travel wallet
*Copy of all documents to be held at home/with family
*Checklist to mark off before leaving to airport

Equipment
I have checked with the retreat center and been advised that various meditation cushions/seats and stools (and yoga mats) will be provided.  I would love to take my own meditation cushion, but the weight of those things makes it difficult.  If these items were not available at the retreat center, then I consider finding a local school or centre that I might hire or purchase.  

Now, if your retreat prefers for you to be seated on the floor with a cushion, and this is not something you currently do - NOW is the time to start preparing your body (and mind) for that posture. Familiarise yourself with how to sit in the way that is being taught/expected – and generally it is all about keeping your spine straight (notes here and here).  No doubt long periods of sitting are going to be challenging for anyone, even long time practitioners, but you can ease the transition by starting now and readying the body to relax and soften while at home.

*Equipment Check
*Equipment to take
*Posture/Walking/Yoga practice requirements

Lists to Leave
I shall have someone in my home while I am away .. and I want to make their time as comfortable and relaxing as possible, so I am preparing a checklist of 'lists' :  

*Contact Numbers - write out a list of important contact numbers (people close by, family members, emergency utilities, vet, neighbours, police, hospital etc) and my own travel details
*Keys - where are the spares? who needs them? do you need to have more cut?
*Household routines: for my gorgeous dog; when to feed, exercise requirements, food supplies, cuddles, favourite toys and a warning that he likes to sleep on my feet (on my bed).  Also the council bin collection times and any appointments for tradesmen etc already set.
*Food/Supplies: where to find supplies in the overstuffed and disorganised cupboards (which I may or may not have time to resolve before leaving), how the microwave and various machines work (ie. the juicer).
*Wish List: a short list of what I hope will be the case on my return .. floors cleaned, bins emptied, mail collected and ready for review, fresh milk and bread in the fridge, garden watered, washing off the line.

Personal Items
*Start comparing flights and any other travel requirements.  Check discount flight offers, specials, tours you might want to take, time zone changes - lock it in!
*Check your calendar, your partner/children/schools/best girlfriends calendar to make sure you are aware of anything that you need to do, or address, before heading off on retreat.
*Collate all bills and make sure nothing is going to be cancelled in your absence
*Inoculations - some countries will suggest you become a pin cushion before travelling .. Hepatitis, Rabies, Malaria .. these can often have time frames of effectiveness so check with your doctor early.
*Medical/personal hygiene requirements.  Travelling with prescription medication often means also taking a doctors letter or copy of the prescription.  Recently we were pulled over by customs when one of our party had a large-ish quantity of vitamin supplements.  There is nothing more unsettling than being tucked away at a retreat and finding that you forgot toothpaste, and the closest shop is an hour away.  Also check airport security requirements for aerosols and liquids etc.
*Power supply requirements - and chargers for any phone/laptop/camera needs
*Assess any urgent maintenance that needs to be addressed
*Sitters - Identify if you need a House or Pet Sitter
*Security - review of house, personal items put away for safety, office files secured
*Garden maintenance
*Clean up - I want to empty and clean the refrigerator, mop the floors, clean the bathrooms etc
*Gifts - I am going to be taking some small gifts with me for my hosts, and what I have in mind will need some time to prepare - schedule sufficient time for this!

*I always change the bed sheets before I leave .. because there is nothing more welcoming and homely than coming home (tired from long travel) and knowing that your personal space is clean and ready for you.

Next up .. Preparing Yourself for a Retreat

Embarking on a Meditation Retreat

Big collective sigh!  Finally the hustle and bustle of Christmas have passed and there is some spaciousness to reflect and embrace a whole brand new year.

And I shall be leaping into the deep end of new beginnings by leaving my ‘normal’ life behind to attend an eight day Meditation Intensive Retreat in another country.

This is the final and beautiful completion of a year of study with the McLean Meditation Institute Teacher Training Program and I am super excited.

Over the years I have attended a number of retreats .. from simple one/two day periods within the bounds of Noble Silence, to weekends spent living mindfulness and meditation in all its many flavours, to longer meditation, and sometimes yoga, retreats .. hours filled with silence, sitting, yoga, sitting, writing, walking and sitting.

I am even eager to start the 22+ hour flight and bus adventure, as it will lead me to a new land filled with red sandstone formations, Native American history and energy vortexes that the area is well known for.  I can't wait to meet the other retreat participants, some of whom I have had Skype chats with this year, continuing to learn and share meditation, and diving into some internal shaking-up that happens when we dive deeply into a transformational experience.

I am also very aware of the responsibilities, routine, schedules and commitments that I shall be leaving behind .. so I am truly in the midst of planning to make sure family, dog, house, bills etc are sorted so I can truly detach myself for a few weeks!

What is a Retreat

The dictionary definition of the word ‘retreat’ is:

the act of withdrawing, as into safety or privacy; retirement; seclusion; a place of refuge, seclusion, or privacy

When we engage in a meditation retreat we are withdrawing from our ordinary life, our responsibilities, our labels and our day to day activities – physically by leaving our environment, home and work, our comfort zone, our entertainment toys and our 'things'; and mentally by letting go of anything unrelated to our meditation practice, giving ourselves permission to drop the ‘to-do-lists’, stop the mental chatter and ruminations, so that we can retreat inward.

A retreat is a rare and magical opportunity to pause and be still, to rest and heal, to reflect and ignite our spirit

It’s a little like a cocoon; we have this heavenly place of peacefulness to withdraw too, often in locations chosen for their inspiring natural beauty, close connection with nature and wildlife, offering expansive terrains with spaciousness and time for reflection .. removed from most of our habitual distractions and excuses.  We are tended to physically with our meals lovingly prepared and our immediate 'survival' needs accommodated .. and tended to mentally with committed teachers and the support of other retreat-ants.

Mostly however it is the silence that we soak ourselves in that changes us when on retreat.  We have an opportunity to marinate in the infinite silence, so that our sense of time and self melt away and we settle into a much simpler pattern that supports and nourishes our meditation. 

In that stillness we begin to hear our heart and soul whisper to us .. and suddenly someone seems to have flicked a switch, as life amplifies around us .. it is brighter, the wind in the trees becomes music, the birds sing sweet messages to us, the aroma of earth and food lovingly being prepared calls us, walking along the bush track brings us to tears in its magnificence, and our day is often peppered with ah-ha moments as mindfulness becomes part of each breath in each moment.

But.  Retreats are also challenging

In the retreat cocoon .. we eventually whittle away the 'fluff and the bubble' of our distractions and are faced with the bare bones of what is left. There can be periods of intense emotional upheaval, unresolved feelings that bubble to the surface and demand that we paid attention.  Old hurts, fears and sadness can arrive with a big bang and stay with us uninvited.  Boredom seems to consume us and personal stories take on epic proportions .. there is a heightened sensitivity to everything around and within us.

This is the transformational quality of being on retreat .. a purification occurs and as we 'bear witness' to what unfolds and integrate our experiences we begin to emerge from the cocoon with a new appreciation and awareness of life.

Next up I will share some Tips on Preparing for a Retreat.

Quiet Mind Meditation 2016

Welcome 2016!

A New Year. A new start. A fresh page.

I have loved hearing the phrase 'Sweet 16' for this year .. and it does feel sweet and fresh with potential.

I have been quiet here over the past month, not just because of family visiting and seasonal festivities and super hot days here in Melbourne, but also because I have been cocooned in my studies as I polished off the final stages of the McLean Meditation Teacher Certification.

I started this training early 2015 .. and it has been transformational on so many levels

I have been meditating for more than 20+ years .. since I was a teenager .. but the opportunity to embrace Beginners Mind and dive into a world of new books (ten books on the curriculum plus additional reading, audio and video requirements), current research (tons and tons of it - learning from original scientific research papers to published articles in journals), regular hook-ups with others on the path across the globe (from Vancouver to Ireland), committing to new meditation techniques each month (from mantra to self-inquiry to mindfulness), reflecting and writing in my Meditation Journal (finally submitting a book size journal on the 31 Dec) and maintaining this path of Sādhanā with gentleness and kindness, and a twice daily meditation practice.

I am now about to travel to the US to attend the final stage, an 8-day intensive retreat .. followed by a 3-day Meditation Symposium.

I am blessed.

Over the next few days I am going to share some thoughts on Preparing and Attending a Retreat ~ as I get ready myself to leave my cosy, Australian Summer routine for the snow covered retreat venue in Arizona. 

Have you attended a retreat?  

It is always a life changing experience to step away from our regular life and commit to a period of intense study and reflection.  And while I shall be mostly silent from here during the retreat itself (retreating from technology is just one part of the adventure) .. I will have a bounty of insights and things to share on my return.

Our monthly Quiet Mind e-newsletter will be going out in a few days - you can sign up here - and I believe there will be some rare moments that I can capture some images of my journey, which I will share on Instagram and Facebook.

And I leave you with this quote from Deepak Chopra, which I love:

“My body travels. I never leave home.”